Cage Effect
I woke up one day, some years ago now, and realized I was a bird. Well, not actually a bird, but I was living in a cage. Well, not actually a cage, but a psychological enclosure. I was shocked, to say the least, to realize such a discovery. Apparently the cage had been built around me, slowly over time, while I focused on the people around me, instead of on myself. While I raised children, built a home for them, and dealt with a challenging marriage. When I finally woke up, I didn’t recognize myself. I wasn’t the strong, independent, creative person I thought I was. I was something different. I was lost.
My cage was constructed over years of keeping the peace. It was the result of walking on eggshells. And with each peacekeeping mission, small as it seemed, another bar of the cage was added. I had forgotten how to make decisions. I had become an enabler and a codependent. I became lost in an inequitable relationship where the needs of others were more important than mine.
Years have passed now since the day I woke up and I understand my experience much better. I even gave it a name. I call it the “cage effect.”* The cage effect is a slow progression of the development of emotionally confinement. It’s when you find yourself in an oppressed situation without knowing exactly how you got there – because it happened slowly over time. The cage effect is a psychological cage assembled around you. You don’t realize you’re trapped until the cage is complete. It’s then that you begin to panic.
The Cage
And panic, I did. The next few days were dark. My emotional trauma had come to a head.
The cage of which I speak, is not limited to relationships, although that is my primary experience. Relationships of all kinds can instigate the cage effect: unhealthy marriages, controlling parents, or dismissive friendships. It could also be an oppressive job or financial situation. Maybe it’s your gender or sexual identity. The cage is anything that suppresses a person from living a full and free life. It is the space in which you lose who you truly are. The cage doesn’t have to be an abusive relationship. It can be oppression created simply by not setting boundaries and keeping your head down in order to avoid conflict.
The cage effect may result from too many concessions you’ve made to your partner. And in this otherwise healthy relationship, you find that resentment begins to creep in. If you’re wearing blinders to avoid conflict or allowing unacceptable behavior, you might just be building your own cage. Perhaps you’re in over your head in financial debt. Any area of your life where you lack control to be yourself or to make your own decisions is the cage.
The Effect
The effect is the relationship or circumstance which creates denial. The cage is constructed as a result of ignoring your intuition. It happens when you don’t listen to your gut or to your loved ones who try to alert you to your unhealthy situation. The effect is becoming a follower or a pleaser. It is not being introspective.
When you allow societal pressure to dictate your decisions, the effect will be the cage. It’s like the unhealthy relationships and situations are the builders of the cage; but you are the land owner. You are the one who has allowed them to construct the cage in your space, on your land.
The tragedy of the cage effect is that, if you’re not careful, it will be nearly complete by the time you realize you’re in it. By then, it can be incredibly difficult to get out. This is when you may consider jumping from a moving vehicle.
But How?
For some of us, the cage effect is quite common. Personally, I’ve found myself in many cages throughout my lifetime; one relationship and one job in particular, but other situations too. I have not always been good at setting boundaries and demanding that my needs be met.
In a few of my relationships, the cage was crafted by my obsession or by my ego. I developed tunnel vision, determined to fulfill a single need, or satisfy a single feeling, instead of taking notice of how it was overshadowing the oppression around me. One time I stayed in a toxic job environment too long, where the political undertones were oppressive and uncomfortable, even illegal at times. I also stayed in the Catholic Church too long, trying to live by traditional rules and to please others.
There are certain personalities, like mine, who are more susceptible to the effects of their environments. We are most at risk to the cage effect caused by intense personalities and the demands of others, by allowing dominant personalities to control our decisions and surroundings. Simply putting our partner’s needs before our own can create the cage.
Opening the Cage Door
Escaping the cage can be challenging. Recognizing the cage walls as early as possible is the best way to maintain your freedom. Maintaining vigilance to your psychological surroundings is the only way to truly avoid the cage effect. Prevention lies in introspection. Introspection leads to setting boundaries and self-expression. Regularly checking in with yourself and with your relationships is the only way to avoid the cage effect and to maintain autonomy. If introspection is important to all people, everywhere, it couldn’t be more important to a person experiencing the cage effect. Use the guide to introspection to ask yourself if you are truly happy or if you deserve better.
In many situations, the cage will be nearly complete before you realize you’re in it. Progression is often so slow that life inside the cage doesn’t feel like total and complete entrapment until the cage is complete or nearly complete. Don’t allow the cage to be built in the first place. Because the taller the cage walls, the harder it will be to fly out. But even if the walls are tall, you can still escape – straight out the cage door.
The door might be locked by the force of years of complacency. And it might take someone outside of the cage to open the door for you. The outsider may alert you to the fact that you’re in the cage and tell you that you deserve something better. The outsider may actually take you by the hand and show you how love is supposed to feel. Maybe it will be you who notices that relationships outside of your cage are different from yours. But even if you have help unlocking the cage door, you still have to fly out on your own.
Let me ask you. Have you turned into a bird? Is there a cage being built around you? Don’t panic, the cage door is open now. Fly away, little birdie. Fly away.
*I am claiming fame to the term “cage effect” as it relates to psychological behavior. But in order to cover my bases, I need to acknowledge related terminology: “In chemistry, the ‘cage effect’ describes how the properties of a molecule are affected by its surroundings. First introduced by Franck and Rabinowitch in 1934, the cage effect in chemistry suggests that instead of acting as an individual particle, molecules in solvent are more accurately described as an encapsulated particle.” (Wikipedia) Secondly, the term “birdcage effect” by a psychologist named James, is very different from the term “cage effect.” It is the idea that people will continue to add more things related to an unexpected gift, like a birdcage, which they acquire by accident. As for the “cage effect,” I will take credit for it until I am proven otherwise.